Take my life, I'm letting go

Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And it’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now



I'm a do-it-myself kind of girl. I know how I want things done, and it's just too hard to let someone else do it. so, I do it myself. always. (ask Rachel Paul (: )

but I can't do that anymore.

because when I'm doing it all myself, I'm not letting God do anything.

Those 5 weeks after Thailand were some of the hardest weeks I've had in a while. I missed everyone, the kind of deep, aching sensation you feel when all you want to do is be back with the people you miss so much. I allowed myself time to think and miss them (it's not like I was sleeping much anyways) but after awhile, it got too hard. so I threw myself into my work. school work, preps for Honduras. I dove into them headfirst, not accepting help except from the people from whom I had to accept it from. I got a lot done. but I didn't allow God to prepare me. I didn't allow Him to do His work. I figured I could just prepare myself.

wow. I was so wrong.

I was talking and sharing with a friend recently, and as we talked about struggles, past and present, she said something interesting, and something I don't think I will easily forget.

"I've learned that I have to depend on God, even for basic life functions."

my heart just breaks.
I have pushed God out of my daily life.

I was too busy.
I was too independent.
I was, in my mind, too self-sufficient. too good.

but now I see.
and all I want is for Him to infuse me.


I can feel myself holding something, some part of me, back. There's something I'm not giving up. and I don't know what it is yet. I've got a death grip on some part of me. and I'm feeling frustrated, because I just can't seem to put my finger on it.

my soul says "Lord! Father! Deliverer! I want to worship You, only You."
but my flesh gets in the way.

my spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak.


funny how your flesh can seem so weak in one way, yet such a powerful force in other ways.


I ask for your prayers.
I have had nothing but purely selfish motives lately. nothing but self-centered thoughts. I have done nothing but worship myself.


Good and Faithful One, You have proven Your love. You did not withold Your Son. Heaven's Love came down, life with You, my Crown! How could I not then love You?
Here's my heart, bowed down. --The Longing


Our Father was so unselfish.
I was watching 10,000 BC today, and there's this part where the main character's woman dies. He has traveled deserts, mountains, fought battles, risked his life innumerable times. and she dies. He's sitting there holding her, in this intense pain. this intense heartache.
and as I sat there watching, I thought "Wow. that would suck so much."

Imagine what it's like for God.
He sacrifices and sacrifices. He creates us, watches us fall, and then makes the ultimate sacrifice: He dies for us.
and so few of us recognize the deep, aching longing in our hearts as a longing for the One who was humiliated, beat, spat on, and pierced for our freedom.


what a great word;; longing
it has soul.




I just want to give my heart away. lay it down as an offering.
a sacrifice, pure, acceptable, and lovely.

I don't know how else to express myself.
I want to stand, with arms high and heart abandoned.



I want to live in a constant state of worship.