Confession #39208

ok, so confession:
this week I ignored God.


I'm disgusted with myself, really.
I basically blew Him off all week. I got so wrapped up in me.
what I needed.
what I wanted.
what about me?

This time last week, I was trying to turn everything over to Him. and here I am, 7 days later, thinking "wow, I definitely took a wrong turn somewhere back there."

I'm not even going to lie. this past week has been rough.
a lot of people I really care about are kind of leaving. which sucks.
my cat died. yea, that really sucked. no joke.
my sister and I clashed a few times this week, which is (thank you JESUS) pretty rare for us these days. but we temporarily lost our harmony. no fun.
and all of a sudden it hit me: crap, I didn't study for the SATs.

of course, I decided that studying at that point was fruitless, so I just went and took them without studying.

we'll see how that went when I get my scores back. eep.


so, basically, rough week.
but back to my former point.


that was no excuse to push God aside. if nothing else, it was more of a reason to call out and say "I need You."
but I didn't this time.
I'm not really sure why.
I guess I was afraid to let God have some of my crap. I was afraid what He would do with it. I was afraid that maybe He would try and take something else away from me. I thought that maybe if I held on to everything I had real tightly, He wouldn't be able to touch it. He wouldn't be able to "mess it up." or take it away.
I felt like I'd had enough loss for awhile.

darn that fdsklfjdklsbdwidsjf independence.
God, You can look, but please do not touch.
ha. wow.

I'm a frigging loser.

I seriously thought that I could keep God out of my personal business. that if I didn't talk to Him about it, He would never know. and therefore would never change anything. 'cause, you know, it was just so much better if I organized, labeled, and moved everything around myself. not.



I've been thinking a lot about grace lately. and you know what's awesome?
I ignored God all week.
I tried to control and hold on to everything.
I basically let myself believe that His power was finite. (sounds wayy dumb when you boil it down to the heart of the issue)

but I can, with complete confidence, come before His throne of grace.

I am forgiven.

God doesn't hold that junk over my head. nothing is stopping me from having fellowship with Him again except for the lies that tell me otherwise.
and what a liberating feeling it is.


"Therefore my heart was glad and my tongue exulted; moreover my flesh will abide in hope; because Thou wilt not abandon my soul to Hades, nor allow Thy holy one to undergo decay." Acts 2:26-28 (quoted from the OT)





If grace flows free when sin abounds,
then Lord, I need your grace right now.