and you see the beauty inside of me

Personalities.

what interesting things they are.
some people find certain personalities to be absolutely fascinating. enamoring. beautiful.and others can't stand to be around that same exact personality.
they're incredibly complex. they're incredibly mysterious. they are the reason for your actions, thoughts, and words. they're creative. they're strong. they're unique.

they're the inner beauty of a person, you might say.



I've come to realize quite a bit about my personality lately.
and let me tell you;I never fully realized how timid I am.
I come across so confidently, I suppose I just decided that I was as confident as I appeared.
ha.
no.

I prefer to be the pursued. I tend to internalize things and keep it real shallow. it takes a lot of strength and effort for me to be the one who asks the question that will deepen the relatioship. to be the pursuer. it's like this in almost all areas of my life, really. from relationships right down to daily conversations. most of my friends are people who were willing to start the conversation. willing to ask a question. I have thousands of questions, and I don't ask most of them.


well, I did ask my mom today if you can get arrested for flicking off the police. you can, by the way.

but anyways. I don't like to be the one to start a potentially awkward conversation. so I just won't ask certain questions.


now, you must know. I'm about 839034888x better at this then I used to be. ask Julie (friggin) Gassaway. I don't think I spoke a word all through middle school (unless of course I was yelling at someone)
God has given me so much more confidence in who He made me. I'm comfortable with me. I'm learning to open up. I'm learning that sometimes you have to be the more forward person, or even just a little more forward of a person, in order to reach out and establish great relationships that otherwise wouldn't have happened.

but I've been struggling with this all day. This relational timidity...is it a good thing or a bad thing?
truth is, I'm not sure.
I'm thinking that when it comes to personality, there is no right or wrong. you just are the way you are. and there's a purpose for that.

I'm still trying to figure out why I am the way I am.
maybe it's to force me to be cautious (to balance out my impulsive side)
maybe it's something for me to overcome.

I don't know anything for sure.
but I do know that I don't want it to dictate me.
I don't want to let it be a hindrance for what God has for me.